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HELP??
orthodoxmom
I have no idea what to do for a friend....

Well, I know I can listen.

But how do I help her? Or where else can she seek help she needs?
I come here because I know no one really knows me here and she has confided in me and I'm not really to tell anyone. She's pregnant. She doesn't want to be pregnant. (Okay, if you're not Christian or if for whatever reason abortion leaped to your mind here...stop.... it's NOT an option.)

She already has three kids.
She knew years ago (her youngest is 7) that she didn't want any more kids. She was ready to move on with her life.... her kids are getting older. She likes having some extra time. She had plans. (sounds like me 4 years ago...) There are really sooooooo many things jumbled up inside of this issue. But the bottom line is she's severely depressed and I'm really worried about her. She is afraid she will be unable to love this child and will resent him or her.

I hold no judgment against her at all. I just want to help. Right now all I can do is listen and assure her that I'm not judging and that I do understand where she's coming from. But how can I assure her? If anyone has any experience here and wants to share, I'd LOVE to hear it....

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I have no personal experience, but it strikes me that if she's worried that she won't be able to love the child, she is already in a way loving him or her--caring and wanting to do right by the child, in spite of her depression over her own plans not coming about.

Prayers for your friend in a difficult time.


What a wonderful point. This is true. And she was declining medication for the nausea too.... and hesitant though taking low doses of a med for the depression. Hmmm. I will need to make this point with her. Thank you.

I once tried acupuncture for depression--it worked wonders, though would have had to be repeated occasionally for long term. If the cost isn't an issue (insurance generally won't cover it) maybe she might try that?

Some people are squeamish about the needles, but I was pleased to find that they use such fine needles that that you don't even feel them.

It might help.

I'm guessing open adoption isn't an option either? What does her husband think? It's such a tough situation all around.

Well she brought that up today but as an unlikely option as she doesn't think she could stand the social aspects of what that would do to her among the people she associates the most (church and school type functions) but especially what would that do to her children? What messae would that send... 'oh well, if a child is 'inconveinant'...... It is tough.
Her husband did not want any other children either. I believe he is trying to focus on positive things and claiming he will try to help more with this one but reality is he is angry that she is depressed and how this is affecting their family and all husbands say they will help more but.... and I think that's the big part of it. She knows she will be the one that's 99% responsible for everything and that this won't change his life even half as much as it will change hers.

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